It has been nearly two months since the brutal murder of Matthew Shepard. His beating
and death powerfully impacted the lives of lesbians and gay men, across the country.
The Advocate recently described Matthew’s death and the events that followed as
having “changed life in gay America forever.” His death forced us to face the reality
of hatred and violence, and search our souls for a way to respond.
When violence and hatred strike so close to home, we all react. We feel vulnerable
threatened, enraged and terribly afraid. We are reminded of the kind of world live
in. We want things to change, we want to make it better for all the other Matthews
and for ourselves. We respond quickly, we rally, march, protest and pray. Then time
passes and sometimes we start to forget. Perhaps the words of Matthew’s friend Hauva
will help us to remember; “If this changes things even for a while then something
positive came out of his death. If nothing positive comes out of his dying, it’s
going to be that much harder.” Harder for his friends and harder for us all, but
perhaps if we remember we will act in ways which will bring something positive from
his tragic death.
Personally, I will remember for years, the sadness and fear I felt when I first read
the news of Matthew’s beating and then the rage, when learning of his death a few
days later. I kept wondering; “how can people do this to one another”? It threw
me, more intensely than other news of violence, it felt very personal as if I knew
him. His death was intensely emotional, touching my deep reserve of grief. I wonder
how to keep an open heart in such a violent world? I also wonder if my personal
response has anything to do with making something positive come out of his death.
I know it does. My individual response and yours.
Watching others respond to Matthew’s death made it clear to me that each of our
individual responses is the key to creating positive change. This point was driven
home at a gay men’s retreat I was leading over Halloween weekend. Many tears were
shed as the men shared their reactions to Matthew’s death. A number of the guys
were significantly impacted. Some had decided to come out to their kids, others
had joined gay speakers groups and many shared becoming more politically involved.
One young man, close in age to Matthew, performed a song he wrote. This powerfully
moved the group. The example of another, a Catholic religious brother, who was so
moved by Matthew’s death, and so out raged by the silence of his local church, came
out in a letter to the editor. His brave act has certainly and positively impacted
his local community. Each of our positive responses bring the flicker of light
in times of darkness.
Of course there are many responses. Not all positive, yet if we take our spiritual
life seriously, we must at times, search for our own response to evil. Yet responding,
is not simple. There is, at times like this, a great temptation to project our fear
and pain outside, onto someone else or some group of others. There is a good deal
of this going on now in the gay press regarding Matthew’s death. While, I will not
deny the ugliness, mean spirit and manipulation of the religious right. THEY did
not kill Matthew Shepard. Two young men did. Two young men, who must have been
full of fear and hatred. Fear and hatred killed Matthew. And we will never overcome
fear and hatred by generating more of it. In fact this kind of projection, although
culturally a very popular way of dealing with evil, is the problem not the solution.
Let’s make a sincere attempt to reduce fear and hatred. Let’s attempt to make something
positive out of Matthew’s death. Let’s not do to others, what has been done to us.
While we must take seriously and expose those who teach hate. Let us not project
what we don’t like in the world onto THEM. It may be helpful to recall the words
of Mahatma Gandhi, when he said; “the only devils are the ones running around in
our own hearts, and that is where all our battles should be fought.” Keep in mind
that fear and even hatred live in all our hearts. Then, let’s take on the force
that did in Matthew, our only real enemy. FEAR.